TreehouseGame cupboard

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Okay, so you've got the toys. Now, what the heck can you do with them? We're sure you have plenty of ideas, but here are a few of ours - games that we've played with friends, and found ourselves, um, warming to.

These spanking games have been personally tested for safety and durability by Pablo and Mija. No vanilla-folk were harmed during the making of this kinky Olympiad.

General advice

It should be obvious, but make sure that where you'll be playing is private, warm, and has plenty of room (and suitable furniture!) for spanking play.

A good mixture of tops, bottoms and switches is probably best. An interesting dynamic between the players is what'll make the game fun.

Whoever plays, make sure that everyone is willing to spank, and be spanked by, everyone else. It might be just a game, but consent and comfort shouldn't be taken for granted.

Gather an interesting and varied selection of implements, and try to organise the game so that they all can be used.

If the game doesn't have a natural finite length, it might be a good idea to decide before starting how long the game is going to last, and build in a finite length.

It's a good thing to change the nature of the game as it progresses. Design the rules so that, for example, different (heavier?) implements are used, more spanks are given, and perhaps fewer layers of clothing are allowed.

Even if the game doesn't require it, have dice or some other method of choosing randomly. Numbers scribbled on pieces of paper are a low-tech alternative. Remember you can always multiply numbers if they're not high enough for you. :-)

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This is a relatively straightforward perversion of the classic word game, invented by Pablo, Mija and MollyB during a trip together in San Francisco. It ought to appeal most to people who play Scrabble enthusiastically anyhow, but relish the idea of an extra twist. It could be played by two people, but better suits three or four. Better still if they're rather toppy switches, since success in the game means getting to spank more than being spanked. An advantage of the game is that, like Scrabble, it has a finite length.

The game is played as normal. After each turn, but only if the score achieved is greater than some minimum number (we used ten), a recipient is chosen at random to receive that number of spanks from the player, with an implement also chosen at random, and a degree of clothing (we had three: over trousers/skirt; on underwear; on bare bottom) also chosen at random. This randomness comes into its own when there are three or more players, since, while it's more likely that the player - positively salivating with the prospect of cashing out the value of 'quiz' with a triple-word square on another's quivering cheeks - will get to spank someone else, there's a one-in-however-many-are-playing chance that they'll draw themselves as the recipient. At which point another of the players is chosen at random to wipe away any smugness from their face.

Given that a single-turn score of seventy or eighty isn't all that unusual in Scrabble, the potential for both meanness and generosity is huge in this game. Just remember that what goes around comes around.

Trivial Pursuit Spanking Edition

'Less Trivial Pursuit', perhaps? Again, this is a simple extension of the original game, but with a couple of cute twists. Pab and Mija played it with some good friends in January 2000, and had a fun time. Four to six players is probably best, and a healthy mix of tops, bottoms and switches, if possible. This version of the game could easily be modified to allow teams, rather than single players, though that's not how we played it.

The game is played as normal. Six implements are chosen, and one is assigned to each of the question categories. (You might want to give the nastier implements to the trickier categories, but we assigned them more or less at random.) Whenever a player gets a question wrong, they get spanked with the implement assigned to that category. The number of spanks is calculated as a multiple of the dice-throw - we used a multiple of two for the ordinary questions, giving a minimum of two spanks and a maximum of twelve.

The fiendishness of this arrangement is that each player knows exactly what's in store for them should they get a question wrong. However it's done, make sure that the spanker is also chosen before each question is asked. They'll enjoy the opportunity to tease, and to stroke the relevant implement with glee. Better still, have the designated spanker be the one to ask that particular question.

Since wedge questions are worth more than ordinary questions, it follows that the consequences should be greater. We dealt with this by increasing the spank-multiple from two to four, and also requiring that spanks given for getting a wedge question wrong be administered on underwear. The final question to win the game is worth more still, so we increased the spank-multiple to six, and required that the spanks be on the bare bottom.

A potential problem with this game is that Trivial Pursuit has no fixed length. Games can be very long even without interludes for deviance. Try to use a version of the game that hits the right level of difficulty. Alternatively, decide beforehand how long the game is going to last, or how many rounds to play.

Spanky Spanky

No perversion of a vanilla game was necessary here. This is a real spanking board game, which Pab and Mija discovered while out, um, shopping, with Randi, somewhere in the Wild Wild West.

We're not sure that the manufacturers have people quite as irredeemably perverted as us in mind, though. The game is much more about playing with the idea of spanking (and other mild kinkinesses), than about the actual whacking. It's a sort of amalgam of Trivial Pursuit (with a mild Vice Anglais theme) and charades, with spanking forfeits.

The game comes complete with a very annoying little 'whip', made out of a narrow dowel-rod, attached to which are a thin leather cord and a fluffy pink feather. Its lack of seriousness is entirely typical of the game, and we immediately substituted our own toys - stuff that leaves marks, rather than just threatening to put your eye out. We hiked up the spanking forfeits too, just to show off, and added some random factors.

We think you'll like this game, once you abandon most of the actual rules and start customising. Unless you're British, lots of the questions won't mean a damn thing to you, but that might be a positive advantage. A web search for 'Spanky Spanky' should find a number of places to buy it. Have fun!

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