Copyright 1997 to <email@example.com>.
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For P., . . . who keeps his books so
The girl rolls over onto her
stomach, kicks the air with her feet, tosses aside her book
A voice so near, so familiar, as to be almost
inside her own head, asks,
'Have you been a naughty little girl?'
This side makes you big . . .
A simple 'No'.
Memories of childhood punishments, her father
horrible, frightening, out-of-control. Wishing she could make
him stop. The hurt - the anger - clouding her present. Wanting
to be big, praying to grow up, to get away from him, from there.
. . . nonono . . .
Now, here, no means 'Not now. I'm
me. I'm grown up. I work. I study. I love you . . . nonono .
. . don't you spank me.'
. . . No No No . . .
So easy to say, 'no'.
I love you because you hear me say 'no'.
. . . and this side makes you small . . .
. . . but the girl wants to be spanked.
Other memories, of safety, of being taken
over his lap, uniform folded up, panties to her knees. His hand,
the initial sting, building to burn. Crying. The cool back of
her hairbrush. Rhythmic searing as the oval descends again and
again and again, hurting, punishing . . . healing.
No need, no reason to hold back tears, to
be brave. With him, this is no contest of wills, no competition
- she's already conceded by consenting. Tears followed by sobs,
she moves beyond the sobs, beyond her physical self. The ritual's
incomplete until she does. The spanking's not over until then.
Until they pass 'then'.
But how can she say yes?
How to say, 'Spank me, please'?
Please take me over your lap; hold me tight.
Spank me. Take my uniform up, my panties down. Spank me. Make
me smaller and smaller; I trust you. Spank me. I'm little enough
now that you have to protect me; help me rewrite my memories.
Spank me. Let me know it's okay for me not to be an adult; we'll
write a new childhood. Spank me. Show me you see the little
girl I never was, that I become with you.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I love you because you understand when I say
Ghosts of spankings past waft
through her mind. Childhood nightmares transform. The uncanny's
finally expressed as punishments merge with - into
The girl's lost in her fantasy - she's startled
'Alice, have you been a naughty little girl?'
Frozen in memories of her childhood, she cannot
The girl watches through lowered lashes as
he hides all disappointment, honors his promises to her. She
waits for him to pick up the book, for him to start reading,
for a settled expression she can interrupt.
'Honest, didn't even touch your old
book. The corners of those pages were already folded
over. And that binding's defective, I'm totally sure.'
She sees him look up. The girl holds her breath.
His stern expression must mask his smile.
'Young lady . . .'
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