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The Way It Really Is
Entry Eight: 23 September 1985. Rating:
Totally Mega Unfair.
Now today. Everything had been going really
well until today and I'd been pretty good about not getting
any spankings for a while.
But today totally sucked rocks. I'm writing
lying on my bed because I can't even sit at all even
on a pillow. Why? Because my parents are total idiots. Okay,
so they drag me to this new school which I totally hate.
Nobody hangs out with me. Finally Ceci asks me to stay the night
on Friday and I say yes. AND THEN I ASK MY MOM WHO SAYS "OKAY,
THAT'S NICE DEAR."
Don't forget that, it comes up later and is
So Friday I went home with Ceci and had a
total blast 'coz she had all her sister's Duran Duran tapes.
We painted each other's toenails too. And after breakfast her
dad takes me home. And I find out that my mom totally forgot
I was going somewhere and has been freaking all over the place
all night. And that my dad's called the police and they're out
combing the whole stupid neighborhood.
My mom hugs me really tight and says O THANK
GOD and all that stuff which is such total crap because the
next minute she has the wooden spoon and is whaling on me through
my jeans. Now I'm used to being spanked and really am not wimpy
but I was wailing to beat a band. My sister doesn't like people
yelling and she ran to her room.
I tried to tell mom to knock it off, that
I'd told her I was going to Ceci's and I was sorry if she forgot
but stop spanking me. I thought she'd calm down. Instead she
slapped me and told me not to talk back to her, that they'd
been worried sick and my poor dad hadn't slept all night. I
was sorry they were worried, but like this was somehow my fault?
Which I tried to tell her.
Slapping is terrible. You should get to hit
people who slap you even if they're your mom. Except I don't
think I could hit her. :(
After she slapped me I tried to get away,
but she sat down and pulled me over her lap. Now if you've forgot
about spoons, let me tell you this thing hurts even through
my jeans. Plus this was totally unfair so I started crying.
Which just made her mad and she started whacking me harder saying
she'd give me something to cry about. I got mad and tried to
kick away but that just made her whack my legs.
My dad walked in then, so my mom stopped whacking
me long enough to tell him that I'd been at a friend's all night.
I tried to explain that I'd asked, that Mom had forgotten. She
brought the spoon down hard five times fast until I was crying
again. I bet she didn't even want me to be able to defend myself
since this was all her fault anyway. Not that anyone but me
is ever going to know that.
My dad meantime is yelling about how inconsiderate
I am and how I'm TOO BIG FOR MY BOOTS (like whatever!).
When I started crying again he told me to get up and go upstairs
and put on my pajamas, that he'd come up to GIVE ME SOMETHING
TO CRY ABOUT.
I got off my mom's lap and ran upstairs and
slammed the door of my room. I didn't even care about getting
in trouble when I heard him yell from downstairs and slammed
it again and again. Harder and harder too. What's the point
in being good after all if I'm going to get spanked anyway?
I was all like, happy before and now it isn't my fault and everyone
is mad with me.
I didn't change into my pajamas but just sat
there on the floor with my back to the door. I could feel my
butt throbbing hot in my jeans and wished I had a pillow from
the bed. But my dad was coming up the stairs and so I just braced
my feet. I didn't want him in my room and knew he had to have
the paddle. And I decided there was no way he was going to paddle
me and I told him so too.
He tried to open the door but I stopped him.
He was soooo mad I felt really scared and just kept saying,
"no you can't come in". He said, "Anne, if you
don't let me open this door RIGHT NOW I'm going to spank you
EVERY DAY this week."
But I didn't let him in. But he came in anyway.
Which was totally what cracked the door jamb, though
he told everyone it was me slamming the door. :(
I was right, he had the paddle and when he
saw I hadn't changed and said that my slamming the door had
cracked the stupid plaster next to it, he told me to take off
my jeans right now. ALL THE WAY OFF. I wouldn't, so he started
pulling them down. I tried to kick him away but he's a lot stronger
than me. He finally got them off. Which left me in my tee shirt
underpants and socks coz my shoes came off with my jeans. And
then he took my underpants off too.
By this time I wasn't mad anymore, just crying
because I knew I was like in sooooo much trouble it would be
better to be dead. He told me I should be crying, that I'd worried
him and my mom. That the police had been looking for me and
that I'd MADE THINGS WORSE by trying to lie and then having
a tantrum like a spoiled 2-year-old. (Like he wouldn't have
done anything otherwise? NOT!!)
I told him I hadn't, I was just scared because
they were so mad at me but he just didn't listen and kept right
on lecturing me. I really was sorry about slamming the door
He said for staying out without permission
he was going to paddle me until I couldn't sit. Then we'd talk
about the other stuff. Then he pulled me over his lap and started
using the paddle really hard, even though the spoon already
had me sore. I can't even remember how long it was - maybe an
hour or more. Okay, not really an hour but way too long for
sure. Forever that's how it felt and I kept saying I was sorry
and that I'd told her and that I'd be a good girl. He didn't
even care what I said, he just spanked me.
After a really long time he stopped spanking
me and held me like that over his knees. I bet my bottom looked
red as Christmas lights. I stopped crying and he started talking
- about how worried they were and how he wasn't going to tolerate
me acting out and how I was going to learn to behave like a
member of the family even if he had to wear my bottom out to
I started again to explain because I didn't
do anything on purpose and he took the paddle and gave me about
10 more whacks with it and told me to HUSH that he didn't want
to hear A WORD out of me, that I was going to LEARN NOT TO TALK
He must have wanted some sort of idiot for
a daughter I guess. But I was quiet. He finally let me up and
told me to put on my pjs. I did and he told me to get into bed
and not to get up until he said.
I changed and asked to use the bathroom and
wash my face and he said no - that I could just wait until he
and my mom decided I could get up.
Now I'm writing this and holding myself because
I really do have to go. But I'm afraid to get out of bed.
[23 September 1985 . . . later on.]
I fell asleep because my mom came up and woke
me up and told me my dad wanted to talk to me. It was already
starting to get dark. I told her I needed to go to the bathroom
and she said my dad was waiting.
But I ran past her to the bathroom anyway
and barely made it.
No one said anything when I got to the living
room. It was just my dad and mom and me. I stood there for a
while and finally he said he'd expect me to say I was sorry
and was disappointed that apparently even after all that I was
still being defiant.
That made me start crying because I'm not
defiant at all and hate for them to be mad at me. I felt so
alone and wondered where my sister was. Hiding I bet. I wish
I was with her.
He told me I should be crying, that my attitude
was one they weren't going to have in their house. I wish they
would send me away. He said from now on, when I talked back
to him or my mom, I was going to get a spanking right there
and then and that he really meant it this time. Plus he was
going to wash my mouth out with soap to remind me. And give
me a spanking before bed every night.
Now I really was crying because I couldn't
explain what had happened and now I was going to get in trouble
Then my mom spoke up. Not to help me (duh!)
but to say that I deserved ANOTHER spanking tonight and that
if he wasn't going to give it SHE would go get her hairbrush.
That made my dad mad like she was saying it was HIS fault I'd
been bad (when it was all hers and she knew it I'm like so sure)
and said he could handle the discipline for this family. I wished
I could go back to my room, but my dad told me to take off my
pj bottoms and bend over the couch.
I'd never been spanked in the living room
before and started to say something but stopped because I could
tell my mom would have slapped me. I took them off and bent
over. He took off his belt and that was very scary. Other kids
had told me about their dad using his belt but my dad never
did, just the paddle. But now he used his belt on my bottom
20 times until my mom had to hold my hands to keep me from getting
up. I hate them both! To death.
That hurt so much I didn't even really notice
we were in the bathroom and that he'd put a soapy wash cloth
in my mouth until I tasted the gross soap. It made me cry and
he let me spit it out but I couldn't rinse or brush my teeth.
I kept wiping my mouth on my sleeve
And then he took me back to bed and said he'd
talk to me in the morning. I didn't even have my pj bottoms
or anything on.
I cried some more because I was afraid of
more spankings. I also said sorry sorry sorry. He sat with me
until I pretended to be asleep. Then after he left I rubbed
my tongue on the sheet to try and get the taste away. Like tooo
When I looked in the mirror next to my closet,
my bottom was still all red and I can see belt marks too. Seeing
them makes me cry again because it's just soooo wrong and not
I swear to God if I don't get any more spankings
I'll be good the rest of my life.
This is a really long entry which just shows
how much all this sucked.
to The Way It Really Is
to the treehouse