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The Way It Really Is
by Mija

Entry Eleven: 6 October 1985. Rating: I don't know - you decide.

I guess I screwed up. I feel sort of sick, but if I don't write this, I'll never write anything after and then no one will know what happened. I'm not worried about spanking my kids anymore because I'll never have kids.

I went inside to see if we could all go swimming. Plus their friends from next door were here. And I couldn't find my mom, but then I find her and my dad in my room looking in my dresser. So I was like "what's up?"

And my mom said, "WHY didn't you put your clothes away when I ASKED you?" I was all like "Um, I did."

By now I see all my stuff is out all over the place. Because I'd put the clothes in the drawers, but not in the so-called "right" ones - just pushed them in where they fit.

My mom was like, "Why do I even bother washing and folding your clothes if you're just going to stuff them anywhere?"

I didn't say anything.

So they told me to clean it up and walked out. I could hear them arguing but I just worked fast. My sister and the kids from next door were in the pool so I knew they had permission. I finished and I changed into my swimsuit and went out too.

My dad and mom and the people next door were watching them swim and having wine and stuff. My dad came over to me and asked if I'd finished with my drawers and I said, "yes." And then he said that since I lied before he'd need to go in and check.

I felt a little scared because, well, I did. He opened every drawer and looked in and said they were all okay and why couldn't I have done that the first time? I was like, "I don't know." Because what can you say to that anyway? I'd just been rushing.

But he told me, "DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT TONE WITH ME, MISSY." And I was like "o no, I'm really in trouble." Because who'd have thought you could get in trouble for clothes? I didn't know what to do and he's like unbuckling his belt. So I was all "sorry sorry." And he's saying, "apparently only one thing gets through to you." I couldn't say anything. So I cried.

He piled the pillows from my bed on the end and I had to pull down my bathing suit and bend over. That belt hurt so much. I cried for a long time and he tried to hug me. I just wanted to go to bed and write this, but my dad told me to wash my face and go out with everyone else.

I did and said sorry to my mom. And I didn't want everyone to know I got spanked so I just played like everything was all normal and suddenly it was. Only now I just feel - I don't know.

Nothing I guess. Maybe nothing's wrong but me.

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