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Why Parents Have Gray Hairs
[Last night, someone forwarded me the following (um, no, I don't normally like forwarded jokes so don't put me on that list please please please!) which seemed to cry out to be expanded upon.
If you don't like the idea of a naughty little girl being spanked non-consensually, you won't like this.]
[Begin forwarded joke]
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was a greeted with a child's whispered "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered "No." Wanting to speak with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer. "Can I speak with her?" the man asked and again the small voice whispered "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left at home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the firemen", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper".
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "ME."
[End forwarded joke]
"Come on down, sweetheart, your mommy and daddy have been really worried about you."
The boss was still trying to process this when the whisper said, "Oh, um, bye!"
A policeman stood ten feet below the backyard tree where she'd perched herself.
Two bright brown eyes stared down at him. Then she nodded.
The policeman started a bit. He could hear the crackle of amplified voices from the search team in the front garden.
"You know? Then climb down," he paused, as if just considering another reason for the seven-year-old remaining in the tree, "Or jump and I'll catch you, sweetheart."
"No one'll be mad with me?"
The young policeman smiled at her.
"I'm sure your mommy and daddy will just be happy to have you home. Now come on down." He lowered his voice to a coaxing wheedle.
The child smiled brightly at him, revealing (or rather, not revealing) missing small white teeth. For the first time in his life, the officer felt a tug in his chest that he'd someday recognize as the feeling of having his heart stolen.
"Make them promithe you."
"Mommy said she was going to '-pank me with a wooden '-poon for fibbing 'bout the cookies. I'm not coming down 'til they promithe."
The young, unmarried police officer tried to get his mind around this exchange and added the missing "esses". The child smiled brightly down at him.
"Um, I need to go talk to my - your - the grown-ups inside."
The officer trundled back to talk to his sergeant. If only he'd gotten a bank robbery or something simple.
Up in the tree, a seven-year-old smiled hopefully at his back.
A tall dark-haired man glared up at the girl in the tree. She wasn't smiling now. Her face was grubby and tearstained. The policemen, fire trucks and "hello copter" had gone home. It was dark now and she was shivering.
Not too dark for her to see how angry her daddy was though. That was part of the reason why she was shivering.
He hadn't said anything in a long time. She cried and yelled at him.
"I hate you!!"
Her daddy still watched her.
"Go away! I'm goin' run away from home and never 'ee you again."
And still he watched, silently.
Finally, when she was quiet, he repeated the only words he'd said to her since he'd come out.
"I'll be here when you're ready to come down, Valentina Alexa."
Tina sniffled and wiped her dirty nose with a dirtier hand.
"If I come down, don't 'pank me, okay?"
The man almost smiled in spite of himself. He shook his head. Despite seeing the humor, he was tired and frustrated himself. All the terror he'd felt at being called and told his daughter was missing had turned from sickness to anger to a determination to see to it this "darlin'" never tried anything like this again. He felt a profound longing for the Tums on the top of his dresser.
Oh, the little miss was going to get spanked all right.
He shook his head.
"No, miss. You're going to go to bed with a bright red botty. However if you come down this minute, I'm not going to spank you tomorrow night too. "
Tina's eyes grew wide. There had never been two nights of spankings!
Her daddy reached his arms up. Without really thinking about it, Tina fell into them. He caught her and pulled her tight to his chest, kissing her forehead.
"You are in lots of trouble," he whispered fiercely." But I love you so much, naughty girl."
Tina curled up in his arms as he carried her to the house. There seemed nothing to do but sulk miserably and imagine herself running away to some place with nice parents.
"Nooo, Mommy, wait! Not the 'poon!"
Young Valentina Alexa was newly bathed and upended across her mother's lap. Her long white nightgown had been pulled up, baring her bottom.
Her small legs frantically kicked, but her mother's arm held her firmly across her knees.
Mommy spoke with a grim determination borne out of fear. This was not going to happen again if she could help it.
"We've come a long way to get back to this point, young lady. Aren't you sorry you didn't take your medicine this afternoon? All that fuss and you're still getting the same spanking I promised. And then another one from Daddy. Naughty girl!"
And with that, the young mother started using the spoon with firm, stinging smacks. Valentina howled. The spoon did sting and burn terribly, but the howls began before it touched her seven-year-old bottom. However, howls or no, Valentina's small bottom was soon throbbing and bright red.
"Pleathe, Mommy! Ow! Ow! I'm 'orry! Really, really!"
"Sorry you lied to me?"
"Sorry you scared Daddy and me?"
"Yeth! I promithe!"
The young mother held the little miss tight for a final three smacks and then stopped and hugged the crying child close to her for a moment before sending her to the corner with a firm reminder to stand still.
Valentina stood in the corner, still-ish anyway, sniffling in a truly pitiable way.
Daddy watched the small sniffling girl. Her long white nightgown covered her bright pink bottom, but he knew she was struggling not to rub away the sting. Still, she kept her hands in front and her nose tightly pressed into the corner.
Part of him longed to say that the spanking she had just received was enough. But she'd been told she was going to be spanked again. Besides, he needed to be sure she would never think of running and hiding like that again. Involuntarily, the memory of the police search team surfaced. He hardened his heart. If Valentina needed another spanking, then it would have to be one she wouldn't soon forget.
He made eye-contact with his wife, who looked at him and then tearfully at the little girl in the corner before she found something she had to do upstairs.
He swallowed, cleared his throat and then, finally, spoke.
"Valentina Alexa, you come over here right now."
The child turned, a fresh rush of tears coming to her eyes as she walked over to her father, hands rubbing at her already sore bottom.
He sat down in an armless chair as she stood in front of him, almost at eye-level.
"Was that so very hard? Why didn't you come when Daddy told you to earlier?"
The girl shrugged. Why do parents always ask for explanations to the unexplainable?
"Answer me, miss."
Valentina rubbed the tears from her eyes. "But I don't know, Daddy!" The child's voice shook with emotion. "I'm 'orry, really really! And I promithe never again!"
Her father nodded with approval. "Good girl."
He pulled her to him as if to hug her, but at the last moment took her across his lap. There would be time enough for hugs later. As he'd stood under the tree, the father had promised himself that Valentina would get a spanking she'd never forget. And, indeed, had imagined using a paddle or even (with shades from his own childhood) a stinging switch. Now that he had her at hand, as it were, the hand seemed more than enough.
"Daddy! No, no, pleathe! I won't do it again ever! Mommy 'panked me already!"
In answer he landed a dozen hard smacks to Valentina's bottom. The cotton nightgown offered little protection, so by the sixth spank, Valentina was struggling as if she might be able to swim away. Still, after that dozen, he lifted her nightgown to her waist for a dozen more, watching the color in her bottom deepen and redden.
"No, no Daddy! Pleathe, not bare bottom!"
There were no longer any words. Valentina was simply crying hard, barely able to kick her feet. He'd started with a plan of one hundred, but decided twelve more would be plenty.
The last dozen were delivered hard and fast, ending the ordeal for both of them. Her bottom glowed red and was hot to his touch as he pulled her small nightgown back down.
Gently and swiftly he turned her over and held Valentina tight to his chest. She sobbed piteously, large tears wetting his shirt front as he carried her upstairs to her room.
"Shhh, shush, little one. It's okay. What a long day."
Valentina's daddy whispered calming things in her ear, stroking her dark hair smooth.
Curled up on her tummy in the dark, Valentina snuffled softly to herself, still feeling a bit sorry for herself. Sure, there'd been cuddles and kisses and a story and a glass of water and the light on in the hallway and more kisses from Mommy and her bear, but her bottom still stung. The memory of that made her hands creep back to rub under her nightgown.
Daddy's face shimmered in light of the open doorway.
"Yes, sweetie?" His voice didn't have an edge yet, but this wasn't his first (or third!) trip to the doorway.
Valentina snuggled down deep into her pillows under the smooth sheets.
"I love you, Daddy."
She got one more kiss to her forehead as she drifted off to dreams.
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